I've become obsessed with the concept of alchemical transmutation - specifically, transmutation inside the self. Each of us is allegedly in the drivers seat, but we all fall victim to egregoric emotional whirlpools. These spirals exist in an invisible, unseen dimension. The Emotional Manifold. The Emotional Manifold, or EM, possesses two layers - Higher, and Lower. The "strength of spirit" or "trueness of will" determines if one, trapped or otherwise inside of a spiral, will be in the higher or lower dimension. That is to say, whether you are in a spiral of your own making (voluntarily experiencing high-valence EM activity) or you get trapped against your will (group house drama and the lease doesn't end for a year) - You get to decide if your experience is of the higher or lower manifold. Concrete examples have helped me understand this concept. The first transmutation I experienced was before a large event. I had always gotten an upset stomach, anxiety broiling in my guts, turning me into a chaotic ocean - out of control. These events were wonderful, and also unavoidable, and I had to simply suffer through the pre-event chaos inside of my body. But I realized, it's my body! Perhaps I get to decide which emotions I feel. So I started reading about alchemical internal transmutation, and despite not finding anything particularly relevant to pre-party jitters, I realized that there was a Higher form of every emotion. Immediately, I concluded that the higher form of Anxiety must be Excitement. I realized I was not the chaotic ocean, that was the lower manifold making itself present in me. The way out? Learn how to surf. Allow the vibrations to leave my stomach and enter my chest. Allow the anxiety to leap and buzz all around me - and I realized, by letting go and not fighting the chaos within and without, I was able to transmute the anxiety into excitement. It requires focus, something like dropping in (re: [Circling](Circling.md)) or absolute silence (re: castaneda) or complete gnosis (re: valentine) - but it's something I'm getting better at. I can see the ocean coming now, and instead of panicking at the presence of chaos - I simply grab my surfboard and release my sense of control. But what of other emotions? Specifically, what of fear? This one has haunted me for a while. I had to turn to introspection and dubious divination to understand what the Higher form of fear might be. Such an obscene and all controlling Lower emotion - how could it possibly have a Higher form? But what is fear. Staring at the unknown and worrying it may hurt you? But what of the mage who knows that she cannot be injured by things outside the material realm? What of the lover who continues with faith soulmate after soulmate after soulmate? What of the knights? Those who stare fear in the eyes, and glimpse the Higher form. I then realized that fear without Fear, the Higher without the Lower, was Awe. Fear transmuted into a higher form becomes Awe. You stare at the abyss, it's cat eyes glimmering back at you, playful - inviting, but dangerous. She can't touch you. You realized this a long time ago when she reached out through the Door and clawed out your guts, mile by mile of intestine. It hurt, you died. But then you woke up. Fear with the realization that you will always wake up is Awe. To realize the life free of cowardice is to experience awe at all things in creation. This was my revelation at the end of this path. But there are no ends, and barely there are beginnings. Dearest reader, homomorphic mage and rational alchemist, I am in search of more Higher emotions. If you understand the Emotional Manifold, if you can tap into it and feel the difference in the Higher and Lower forms within your chest, your belly, your feet. Please reach out. I've only felt the elevation of Anxiety into Excitement and Fear into Awe. My blindspots seem to prevent me from finding other Higher forms. If you possess any transmutations, please reach out so I can add them to the list. The following is the master list of Gnostic EM Transmutations: {Lower} -> {Higher} {L} Anxiety -> {H} Excitement {L} Fear -> {H} Awe